In the latest episode of The Digression Sessions, I’m joined by Stephen Bradford Long and Lirpa Strike to discuss the perils of modern dating and gender politics to answer questions submitted by viewers.
Men aren't really afraid of approaching it's more that the expected return has gone down.
The chance it will lead somewhere is perceived to be low. Whereas in the past as most women were looking to get married quickly, a single approach had a much higher chance of ending in something. Quite a lot of boomers and silent gen basically married the first person they ever met on the bus or at school because most of the population would do. Accessibility of communications means people can optimize their partner.
Today even if you fit the part, they might be focused on a career or many other options.
Approaching 1 person and investing in a date is fine but dating 100+ people like that, there isn't the time in the day. There was some scarcity and friction.
Where I've seen relationships happen they're when people fit perfect niches for each other. Where they couldn't expect to find someone like that anywhere else. eg. Two bookish aspies.
re: OKC match scores not being representative of IRL chemistry, I think it doesn't help that OKC admitted they experimented with messing around with those stats to see how they worked--and apparently it didn't really reflect real life compatibility. However, I think there were some pretty good dealbreaker questions that were good to have upfront. I've considered revisiting OKC since I'm guessing it has a very different userbase than the apps these days...which would be a positive. Also, on women making the first move, I did that for a while and it did not go well, which was quite ego-destroying. But that's just one anecdotal point.
I almost sent a question but I'm way too embarrassed haha. Still great to listen to!
Please don't ever call me an alpha female again Stephen 🤣
Bahahaha
Men aren't really afraid of approaching it's more that the expected return has gone down.
The chance it will lead somewhere is perceived to be low. Whereas in the past as most women were looking to get married quickly, a single approach had a much higher chance of ending in something. Quite a lot of boomers and silent gen basically married the first person they ever met on the bus or at school because most of the population would do. Accessibility of communications means people can optimize their partner.
Today even if you fit the part, they might be focused on a career or many other options.
Approaching 1 person and investing in a date is fine but dating 100+ people like that, there isn't the time in the day. There was some scarcity and friction.
Where I've seen relationships happen they're when people fit perfect niches for each other. Where they couldn't expect to find someone like that anywhere else. eg. Two bookish aspies.
re: OKC match scores not being representative of IRL chemistry, I think it doesn't help that OKC admitted they experimented with messing around with those stats to see how they worked--and apparently it didn't really reflect real life compatibility. However, I think there were some pretty good dealbreaker questions that were good to have upfront. I've considered revisiting OKC since I'm guessing it has a very different userbase than the apps these days...which would be a positive. Also, on women making the first move, I did that for a while and it did not go well, which was quite ego-destroying. But that's just one anecdotal point.
I almost sent a question but I'm way too embarrassed haha. Still great to listen to!
Please submit your question! We can keep it anonymous :)